Flash of Silver…the leap that changed my world
Rite of Passage Three –No Longer Alone-
ABUSE AND IMAGINATION
1944 aged 10-11
Abuse comes in many forms, some more damaging than others. Is it possible that we ‘invent’ in our pain some ‘added’ events that may not have happened? Do these stories help to keep the pain alive?
I am very sure of the abuse I suffered during my early schooling. I know I was beaten on several occasions. But did a fellow student really soap a step and cause an abusive master to fall to his death…or was it just an accident?
Did I, in the company of others, form an “anti-beating up society” that attacked another house that had badly beaten one of ‘ours’ simply because he was Jewish?
These memories are so fresh and real, in my mind, but I have no confirmation other than the pain that surrounds the entire period after so many years. I have used this difficult time to declare it a ‘disaster that impacted many years of my life’
SO…what about now?
I have largely come to the conclusion that a degree of imagination had crept in over the years. I feel that it came on the heels of being a ‘victim’ and that justified my antagonism to institutions that either permit violence or even perpetrate it; as in politically inspired warfare where an entire nation can be manipulated into taking another nation’s lifeblood and feel justified in doing so.
Warfare is still the taking of life and this is what now remains of my early pains. I plan to do no harm in the years I have left but do all I can, in the company of others, to be at peace with all men.