Flash of Silver…the leap that changed my world.
Rite of Passage Two -Acquisition-
Q. Did you have only a passing relationship with your dad? How is it now for your son…with you?
Did father know best?
I had a distant dad. He was a man of his time born in the early 1900’s and very British. He was unable to tell me that he loved me, or to show any of his deeper feelings. He was, by no means a dour and withdrawn fellow, in fact he was the perfect genial host, much loved by customers and staff alike in the post war hotel business where he flourished.
My problem lay in his return from serving in Egypt during the war. I was seven at that time and hardly knew him. All I remembered was being sent straight away to Boarding School, which turned out to be a very traumatic experience, one that I blamed on him for the rest of his life.
I had it wrong!
Several years after his death, I discovered that I had not been sent off ‘immediately’. He had been there for my mother and me for two years before that ugly school experience.
He was not to blame after all. I now have real regrets for having been a ‘distant son’, how different it might have been for us both.
As a victim I needed someone to blame and somehow I chose to overlook two whole years of our shared life.
I almost made the same mistake with my son. I was mostly distant by being almost a blur as I galloped about trying to meet hundreds of deadlines, rather than just ‘hang out’ with him and his sisters. I even sent him and his older sister to boarding school! Fortunately this has been forgiven and we are a much warmer and less distant family.
Your story is obviously different from mine but this one thing I know; if there is still time to be reconciled with a distant parent, take a deep breath, tell them you love them and just see what may happen.
Love covers a multitude of sins…it may not be too late!
Upstreaming on purpose!