Flash of Silver…the leap that changed my world
Rite of Passage Eight –A taste of things to come–
1954-1956 Age: 20-22
Q: Marriage without approval: Did you ‘move out’ without parental approval… Do you face the same situation as a parent, with your child? How did you (or might) you handle it now?
“Both our parents were unhappy. We were too young, too inexperienced and too poor…but we were too much in love to listen.” Page 55
I had no idea about what my future might entail and how we might survive on the miserable army officer’s pay. Both our parents had had years of ups and downs and knew the challenges of a cash poor marriage with no planned prospects.
My mother did the heavy lifting with a long and rational letter to us both that I passed to Treena to read. I must admit that it made sense to “just wait a little and try to save…so that you have something to fall back on.”
I had spent all my savings on a pretty little sapphire engagement ring which I now had in my jacket pocket as an assurance of my ongoing love to offset the possible drama when Treena read my mother’s ‘reasoned’ suggestion to delay.
We were driving at the time that I handed over the letter. Treena asked me to pull over; it was at night. Without a word she got out of the car, stood in the headlights and tore the letter into tiny pieces, throwing them in the air like chunky confetti. “THAT’S what I think about THAT idea!” she said defiantly.
So…what about now?
Looking back I’m grateful for two things. My mother’s letter had expressed her full acceptance of Treena and her love for us both but it had not allowed for any kind of projected date.
For her love…I’m grateful!
Treena expressed an entirely different passion…she had set her heart on a September marriage and nothing was going to get in the way.
For her love then and for the rest of her life…I am grateful!
I have experienced the same kind of practical concerns for our children as they engaged in the human form of the salmon’s osmoregulation –when the fish move from fresh to salt water and leave the familiar comforts of home (shallow water and river banks) and parents and strike out into the perils of the unknown with not much else than love to guide them.
I would still offer good advice but never use ‘fear of financial failure’ as an argument. In the face of love…only genuine kindness with gently spoken words, never written, and with respect for their emotions, will do.
Had my mother sat us down over her wonderful tomato sandwiches, looked into our eyes and gently asked us to wait. I think we might have still done what we did!
For that…I am grateful.
P.S This week I read Treena’s poem Once there was sweet Motherhood