7. A Fate Worse Than Death

Aug 08, 2015

7. A Fate Worse Than Death

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Distant Dads:  Was your dad distant, without too much warmth or interest in you? Can you recall just one memory of how he might have revealed his love for you?

Leaving Home: When did you first leave home?  How did it feel to have to make your own choices at last?

Your own children: What advice would you give your young adult children when they first leave home.  Did you do that, or did you keep it to yourself?

4 Comments

  1. Jean Sozio Says: October 22, 2015 12:17 am

    1. When he smiled at me
    2. When I was married – fabulous – a breath of fresh air
    3. We had no children but I hope I would have had the grace to let them develop their own strengths beforehand to be independent producers in their own right. We were well nurtured at home but the rule was to get married and once that occurred you were responsible for your own survival and only came home for dinner on Sunday – no laundry!

  2. Bluefish62 Says: January 1, 2016 10:15 am

    1. Well yes. He was distant at times, but could also be very loving. I felt I had to do things,,,,anything, to get his attention. I was the fourth out of six kids,,,kind of stuck in the middle. No wonder I’m so outgoing now I guess! I had to exert myself or no one noticed me. Except to give me a hard time that is. I remember when my dad would get home from the hospital in the afternoons.We lived in El Paso, Texas at the time. I was somewhere between the 2nd-4th grades. Daddy had some surgical and anatomy text books at the top of our home staircase. I believe there was also a desk tucked into this little landing are. As soon as I heard him come in the door and start upstairs I would run from my room to that desk to whip out a book. I would be ever so casually reading this “medical school” text book and pretending I understood what was written within. It’s quite funny now in hindsight. Or maybe a tad pitiful? I’m not sure. There were some gross pictures in those books as well. Yikes! He would smile at me, pat my head, and sometimes even say a few words to me. Then he would go to his room and me to mine. That day’s opportunity was over.

    I waited for those moments daily. Hoping it would be more than a “pat on the head” day. Maybe it would be a “word” day? The days he spent time talking with me in that tiny alcove? Well, those were expressions of his love. He had a lot on his plate at the time, as did my Mother. With 6 kids and a stressful job, I understand the difficulty they both faced. I also have a fond memory of when I asked “Daddy, will you marry me?” He didn’t bat an eye; he said of course! I miss him so much…

    2. I left home at age 19 to move to Austin, Texas to begin college at The University of Texas. With 50K other students. It was a shock like I never knew I could experience. Growing up on a military base is rather sheltered. I was horribly homesick and wanted to go home EVERY single DAY! I couldn’t attend college where my parents and brothers were. They moved to Maryland the year I graduated and the out of state tuition rates were prohibitive. Although I still begged,,,,,every year…

    I suppose I was excited about being able to make my own choices but at the same time, quite petrified. Being the easy going, trusting soul I am, I began down the “path of stupid” decisions route that semester. And the second,,,or even maybe the 3-4th? Heck, I still make poor decisions at times.

    3. Yes I had words of advice,,,and still do! They love that. Even though none of them as of yet has lived more than 5 miles from me since they LEFT home! That’s why I had to start traveling! Ha! My words of advice were don’t be too trusting or gullible. Not all people have good hearts. I was too trusting and it caused me a great deal of misfortune. Both emotionally, physically, and financially. In fact, it still does to this day. I trust far too easily, but have tempered it somewhat. My biggest word of advice to my sons was (and is) to treat other’s with respect. ALL others, not just elders. But peers, teachers, business associates and all human beings. To this day, they have made me incredibly proud in respect to their level of ethics and in practicing this advice. Jesus said this and I hold to it. “I will know My people by how they love one another.” Period and end of said story.

  3. Lynn Says: February 21, 2016 11:28 pm

    Distant Dads: My father was emotionally removed; though provided well for his family. I can never recall our having a conversation one-to-one during my growing up years. I believe it was different for my two brothers as he helped them with scout activities or took them to the rifle range to learn to shoot a gun. My one memory of his showing emotional tangible connection was a night when I had a nightmare and I remember his coming in to my room to comfort me. And whenever he and my Mom were out for a social evening ( when we kids were young enough to need baby-sitters ), each parent would be sure to come in and kiss us goodnight when they got home. I have a few memories of being wakened when that occurred.

    Leaving Home: When I graduated from high school in Colorado Springs, I came to Seattle ( which had been where I was born and my Mom’s home ) to attend the University of Washington. I lived with my grandmother so I “left home” but not all the way! It was one very smooth transition into young adulthood. How I loved her and how I loved my college years. I lived alone during my first two years of teaching ( after that had roommates) and I don’t remember there being any angst about making my own decisions or making decisions once roommates were part of that decision making process.

    Your own children: I have never been married nor had children. There were hundreds upon hundreds over my teaching years; many have remained close. In fact, I am attending a church where one of my former first grade students is the pastor!! I’d hope ( and many have affirmed that hope became reality ) that what I was able to give to them as a teacher, has carried them far in their lives. I am esp. thrilled when a number of former students have returned as adults to tell me that they have become a Christian as they remembered that quality about me.

  4. Leona Nelson Says: April 23, 2016 9:52 am

    1. My 3 sisters and I always “felt the love”, though daddy never much said the words “I Love You.” It was a generation that didn’t say that like they do today. Same with my husband. We both had very caring fathers (and mothers), but “I love you” was just a little too raw, I guess. Didn’t matter because we knew we were loved. Daddy’s girls came first. We had tons of fun together, exploring “daddy’s woods”, going on trips, with him pointing out to us all the interesting shapes and textures outside the car windows as we traveled, singing together with great joy, and laughing hysterically at daddy when he took out his false teeth and made faces at us (I still do that today with my grandson though I definitely have my own teeth!)
    2. Regarding leaving home: When daddy died suddenly of a heart attack, in my heartbroken state (16 yrs old) I had to learn to run the household, drive the car, get a job and finish high school on my own because mother had a nervous breakdown when daddy died. My 3 older sisters were all away at college. When mother got well, she moved in with my older sister and I took the bus on my own all the way up the west coast to be dropped off at Seattle Pacific College, not knowing a soul there. But my independence paid off as I made friends, joined the choir, got involved in speech tournaments – where I met my future husband!
    3. Needless to say, the spirit of independence rubbed off on our two children and we knew they would make it on their own…which they have.

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