9. A Shoal Of Two

Aug 08, 2015

9. A Shoal Of Two

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Monogamy in nature: Geese, swans, penguins, foxes and white rhinoceros’ have single male female relationships for at least a season. Do humans live with one partner as a result of a social convenience rather than a natural law?

“Giving up” for someone else: Have you ever asked someone to give up his or her future in order to be with you?  Did you ever ‘give up’ your plans for another…how did it turn out?

Failing to listen – insisting on ones own way:  Did you ever insist that something be done that resulted in totally unforeseen circumstances? 

4 Comments

  1. Jean Sozio Says: October 22, 2015 12:25 am

    1. I believe marriage is a natural law – two becoming one until death
    2. Yes. Family pressure in our early marriage kept us from relocating to where our destiny may have been better fulfilled
    3. Yes – a marital separation

  2. Bluefish62 Says: January 12, 2016 12:36 pm

    1. Ouch. This will probably get me in trouble, but here goes. (I love being in trouble, it’s SOOO exciting!) I would say that 20% out of the over 50% of marriages and/or long term domestic relationships that do not end divorce just stay together for convenience. Or more sadly, to avoid being alone. Having said this, I believe we are internally wired to have the security of a lifelong mate. However, this is expressed differently within the male and female Homo sapiens (Latin for “wise person”) That’s another whole question! I have known several men during the past 17 years who remained in “loveless” and pitifully lonely marriages for over a decade. Spouting off various and asunder reasons relating to children, convenience, business or financial issues. Some are now divorced and some are still hanging on. Hum. Quite baffling to a romantic such as myself. But what do I know? I had to throw dirt on my husband, so my sympathy runs a bit low for people who stay in relationships like this. Fix it or get out.

    One of the saddest and heart wrenching memories I have to this day is from 1997. We were in the hospital and my husband was undergoing a brutal surgery for esophageal cancer. He was 41. Our sons were ages 10, 8, 5 and 2. I recently turned 34. I went downstairs to the chapel to take a small break. You know, from sounds of the hissing drug-pushing machines and his painful moans. Once downstairs, I opted for the lobby. I numbly sat there on that big couch. I had nothing to say to “God” on that day really. Nothing very good anyway. An older couple walked through the hospital entry doors and made their way in front of me, arm in arm.

    You see, I had been in a dream like state even since his diagnosis. Well, it was a living nightmare, really. But in that instant, I knew we weren’t going to grow old together. Michael, my husband of 11 years, wasn’t going to survive this disease. At least that’s how I felt at the time. And I was right. I sobbed quietly, sitting there watching that older couple. Angry about it all. I was absolutely petrified of what lay ahead for us. To this day I am unable to recall this vivid memory without my heart wrenching or me tearing up. It was the end of a good “run” for us as a family but things were about to get gnarly. And they certainly did. And now, once again. I tear up.

    2. Never have and never will. In either instance. Thankfully.

    3. Which time? Most recently my desire to control a situation and “get my own way” led to the loss of the one, I believe, is (or was) my “best friend.” The jury is out on this I hope. When someone I deeply care for is “incommunicado” the old fear of abandonment, with it’s ugly cousins insecurity, obsessiveness, “cray-crayness,” sadness, anger and denial, raise their ugly heads. They come rolling back in for the sick, twisted ride about to ensue. The whole situation could have been avoided if a). I wasn’t being pushy and b). the lines of communication had remained open. OH and c). if I had refrained from opening my mouth and inserting my foot. Ok, it was both feet. That would have helped. Live and learn. 🙂

    cray-cray = insanely crazy!! 🙂

  3. Lynn Severance Says: February 25, 2016 1:49 am

    Monogamy: First of all. I was saddened to read bluefish62 account of her husband, Michael’s death at such a young age and in their “young years” of marriage. She may not come back to read my post but I am quite shaken to read of the feelings so deep at that time and that can resurface at any time.

    I believe God’s initial plan was that a man and woman marrying was to remain monogamous. Yet He instilled mankind with free will. Not all cultures follow monogamy which does not mean God initial intent changed. How to interpret Old Testament times written down would not indicate monogamy even among “godly men”. Our natures were marred from sin and God initial intent in all areas. He offers us choices and often our choices to begin with may not be the best. When this involves marriage – well – I have seen all variations on the theme of why people stay and why they leave. I may get lonely at age 72 and single but I thank God often for the doors He closed that would have put me into a failed marriage. It was a protective act of love on His part toward me and the man involved. It did not negate my desire to someday marry – it simply has never happened. And were it to happen? Definitely monogamy would rule!! 🙂

  4. Jon Stevens Says: June 14, 2016 6:40 am

    When we marry, we surrender all we ever could have become with someone other than the chosen one. All those fantasized families will never be, because we have decided on monogamy. The dating of others stops, the playing with the possibilities stops, and the focus on the chosen one starts. We have to die to, we have to kill, all those dreams and fantasies and live in the reality our choice has created.

    And that is a good thing. Possibilities are seductive and keep us from growing and becoming all that God has created us to be. They keep us building castles in the air instead of His kingdom here. It is our choices and decisions and resulting actions which move us forward on our faith journey to God.

    After 45 years with my darling Elaine, I can tell you that I am still delighted I made the decision I did and that she did too. The reality marriage created is far superior to any fantasy I could have ever dreamed of in my youth. Aging together has polished and sanded and ground me into a much better person than ever the dreams of my younger years could have done.

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